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Oh, so I wrote a new Spuffy fic. (Sort of. I actually wrote the very beginning of this YEAAAARS ago, but now it's done.) In 2 parts. Enjoy!

(Now with intended italics.)


Summary: Post-Helpless, season 3. Not yet back to fighting form, Buffy relaxes at home after a sexually frustrating night at Angel's... and Spike slips in undetected.

A/N: This is pure, unrepentant PWP.

Song: "Post-Modern Sleaze" - Sneaker Pimps

"Get hot already!" Buffy whined, slicing her hand through the icy spray. "Why is nothing working in my life? What does a girl have to do to--" On further inspection of the shower knob, she diagnosed the problem: she hadn't spun it hard enough. "Duh."

She gave it a good turn. Scalding water boiled her skin. "Stupid... gah!"

This whole no-power deal was really messing with her daily routine. As a slayer, she'd learned to handle knobs, levers and switches with a modicum of pressure so as not to bust them out of their housing. Now that she was just a girl again, she had to remember to use force. Quelle ironique.

"Not too hot, not too cold, and there it is," she said, stepping into the warm, soothing stream. "Just right for Buffylocks."

She couldn't wait to have her strength back, if only to put an end to these annoying little hassles. And to stop calling herself Buffylocks.Read more...Collapse )

To be continued...

It's been fun!

Let me first stress that I will not be deleting this LJ -- I need it to post in communities and to read locked journals -- but this will be my last entry in this journal. I clearly don't have the desire to keep it up anymore, so I'm closing up shop.

I purged the clutter but kept the fun stuff, like my celebrity SIMS adventures and bizarre reader mail. I also left up my pin-up girl icons, still available to all.

Unless you f-lock and want me to stay privy, feel free to defriend me. I will continue to update fanfiction in nautific, and you need only be a member there to read it.



wink debbie
Is that you, LJ? Wow! It's been a while. Too long. You look good! Really good. It's like you haven't aged a day. Wow. This is weird. Small world, huh?

Yeah. Wow.

I... have to be honest, LJ. I've been thinking about you. About us. The way you were always there for me, through good times, bad times, when I needed a shoulder to kerfuffle on... Yeah. That was nice. Really nice. I miss that.

Oh LJ, what happened to us?! Can we ever patch things up, or are we too far gone? I mean it, LJ -- look into my eyes and tell me you don't feel anything for me! Say it and I'll leave, oh I'll go right now!

I knew it. I knew you couldn't! You still love me, don't you? DON'T YOU?!



p.s. Happy Birthday, vixkitten!


It's the SIMple things...

No, I did NOT stay up all night playing Sims 2! (she says guiltily)

Okay, I did.

And guess what? The first thing I did was make Buffy, Spike and Angel Sims so they could all have sex! I'm so juvenile.

As you might know, Buffy and Spike are my OTP, but that doesn't mean Buffy can't also be BFF with Angel and service him in a hot tub, nor does it mean that Spike and Angel can't have a passionate affair, because after all, they're roomies. The best part was when Angel invited Buffy over and all hell broke loose! Angel and Spike fought over her and cried, and then they made out and asked Buffy to leave.


Click for pix!Collapse )


Reason lovebytez is my soulmate #67890987654: I woke up this morning with my bangs sticking straight up. She gave me one look and said, "There's something about Nauti*!"

(*She used my real name of course, which many of you know, but if you didn't know it you wouldn't get the funny, so... yeah. Point is, she is hilarious and I love her.)

More fun With Search Terms!

wink debbie
According to my stats, you will be directed to my site if you google this:

rabbits taking it up the bum

or this:

began to suck on buffy's other breasts

I guess, being a rabbit, she's got breasts to spare.

But as inexplicable these are, my favorite search term is and always will be, "lesbian humping smacking day." I celebrate it every year.

P.S., join nautific if you want to read roughs of Heart Don't Lie. I'm up to ch. 15 now, and guess who's back?

Members only: not just a jacket

wink debbie
Hey, my car broke down! And only a month before the lease is up -- its timing is almost impeccable! Good thing I went clothes shopping yesterday, otherwise I'd have nothing to not go out in! ::sigh::

Thanks again for your feedback on HDL -- and for using my spiffy new contact form! Can I just say how great it is to come home to a row of emails with the subject "You rule!"? I highly recommend it -- it does wonders for your self-esteem. (I originally had "You suck!" among the choices, but then I realized I might cry.)

Anyway. Remember when I was threatening to share rough chapters of fic with you before posting the finished versions to my website? Well, I'm ready to do it, only not in this journal -- I like that this has become not so much fic-centric as life-centric. Plus, there's that problem with the friend limit -- I want my roughs to be semi-private, but then I have to be sure I can friend everyone who wants to see, and if it goes above 750, I can't... so instead I bring you:


...a new LJ in which I post my unfinished and/or unbetaed fanfic for anyone who's interested, and my completed fanfic for those who are locked out of my site at work. Plus, those interested only in fic can feel free to defriend me here and join me there! I have no problem with that.

All posts will be members-only, so to see anything, you'll have to a) have a LiveJournal account, and b) join the community. Also, the community is moderator-post only - everyone is more than welcome to comment, but only I can post (unless I bring in a co-writer or whatever.)

Just to be clear - This is not an ego thing, it's my solution to a problem. Communities allow you to friend an unlimited number of people, it's as simple as that.

In the upcoming months,nautific should include: more chapters of HDL, some very rough continuations of In Heat and Crash and Burn, as well as some roughs of the long-planned In Heat Variations, so I can maybe, just maybe, polish it all up for final draft posting on my website someday! Hurrah!

So, if you wanna read a bunch of fanfiction about Buffy and Spike having lots of sex, feel free to join me. If you don't know what the heck I just said, stay right where you are. Or, come over and drive me somewhere -- I'm getting hungry.

Columbus Day is WACK! It's OLDER Day!

wink debbie
Hey, guess what? Older is COMPLETE! And I've decided, after careful non-thought, to make it accessible to everyone on my site (ps, don't think I don't appreciate the people who went through hell to read this -- be sure to read the acknowledgments at the end, you're in there):

- (S/B, NC-17, Fantasy AU, COMPLETE)

It's not for everyone, and it's download-only, so please read the "about" and the warnings and whatnot before you commit.

This final version has been revised up the ass -- so if you've read the previous bits before and you're interested in getting the most out of the story, please reread from the beginning!

In the year I've been working on it, this story has inspired a lot of artwork, wallpapers, LJ icons and even a music vid. See it all, along with all the Crash And Burn artwork and other LJ icons, in my multimedia section. (If you sent in a pic and it's not there, or if you're credited incorrectly, please let me know).

Also new to the site - since last update, I've received 28 new awards, including "Best Author" from Love's Last Glimpse and "Best Smut Director" from the Shagging Like Bunnies! (Also, Enthralled, my first fic ever, won something for the first time ever, and that makes me inexplicably happy.) Thanks, awards nominating/voting/giving-out people!
wink debbie
I know I should probably begin with the mildly kooky emails and slowly build up to the out-and-out psychotic, but I can't hold this one back. It has to be experienced to be believed. When I showed the first two emails to canadia_bit and mrmonkeybottoms about a year ago, we were peeing our pants. So, lie back, relax, and get ready to pee your pants.

What about a camper van? and other eternal questionsCollapse )


Blame Canada

wink debbie
Okay. So the other day Love and I stopped in the Port Chester Salvation Army to kill some time, and we were browsing the knickknack shelves when we saw this:

BUH?Collapse )

Now, onto a completely different Martha. I got this email today, because yesterday, I suddenly decided to put all my stuff on, I'm not sure why, but it became really dire to me. I put up my one and only Smallville story, "Clark Can't", which is Lana/Tina-as-Chloe, and I got an email because of it, and it's now a little clearer to me what the true demographic is:

From: Mano'Steel

how about a martha/lana story where martha get a cock from the metor rocks and can only wear a button up shirt with a bra and pants but no panties and goes and fucks lana with it i hope that does not gross you out.

Dear Mano'Steel:

I am too confused to be grossed out.

Love, Nauti

I'm a bad, rude man.

wink debbie
It's entirely possible that I was delirious, being feverish and hopped up on DayQuil and all, but during my illness (which I'm pretty much finally over as of tonight, thanks so much for your well-wishes) I wrote something that's bound to get me blacklisted from every upstanding citizen's "she's okay by me" list and get me laughed at on every badfic board across the land (or, more than usual, anyway). But I don't care. Now that it's done, I want to share it with my fellow pervs, and I know you're out there. ::waves at three fellow pervs::

Read all about it...Collapse )

And don't worry, it's done, for the most part. Fait accompli. I'm back to C&B and HDL land, and will be posting more of those soon.

ETA: The complete fic is now available for download here. No need to join the group.